Forget 'SNAKES ON A PLANE'... I have SNAKE IN THE BUSH! (don't be perverted... I know all of you out there, yes, you were thinking it!)
So yesterday afternoon, I received a phone call from my Mom (whom is deathly afraid of snakes) that while she went to my house to drop something off on the porch... she encountered a DEAD snake in my driveway.
"It was coiled up" she said
"I threw a rock at it, it didn't budge" she said
"It has to be dead" she said
While I appreciated this courtesy call... I also expected to pull in my driveway (not even 2 hours later) to see a coiled up dead snake in my driveway in which the kids would be highly fascinated in, throw things at it, possibly poke it with a stick... and we'd go about our day (leaving it for hubby to pick up and toss later!)
But, there was no snake. Nowhere... I pulled down the driveway very slowly, looking on both sides... in the grass... near the bushes, along the sidewalk... in front of the garage. No snake.
So I parked in the garage, and walked up the front steps... looking again for the "dead" snake. Well, I found the rock that my Mom threw at the "dead" snake... but saw no snake.
OBVIOUSLY THE SNAKE WAS NOT DEAD!
Called my Mom... told her she obviously threw a rock at a very much alive snake... b/c the snake was no longer in my driveway. No worries... went about my afternoon. That was until I decided to get a soda from the garage fridge.
Upon entering the garage... I noticed that Nathan had left the sliding car door wide open, so I closed the door, got my soda from the fridge and proceeded to walk into the house.
That's when I heard (yes, literally HEARD) the slithering of THE snake racing lightning fast out of my garage! I'm pretty sure I grew wings... I have one, never in my life seen a snake move so fast... and two, never in life have I moved so fast!!!
(stop laughing... it's NOT funny!)
Well, knowing the snake was OUT of my garage made me happy... but then my curiosity kicked in, where did the snake actually go I thought. So I went the front porch to look for the snake. I walked down the length of the front porch, leaning over the bushes, looking in... I walked the length of the front sidewalk, bending down to look under the bushes. No snake.
So I scurry indoors... and leave well enough alone. Snakes gone. Mind you, this whole entire time from escaping near death as I had a mini heart attack from seeing the damn thing slither out of the garage... I'm now on the phone with my Mom hyperventilating... still searching for the snake!
Well, I peek out the front door one more time and I see THIS!
WTF???
OMG... seriously... THAT is not part of the freakin' bush! PLEASE tell me you are kidding me! The damn snake was wrapped up in the bush STARRING at me! Literally! I would move from room to room, peering out the windows and he would actually watch me!
ICK!!!!!
(sorry about the blurry pics... taken through the window with screens,
was SO not about to go outside for the sake of better pics!)
So now... as I'm screaming to my Mom on the phone that I'm being stalked by a deadly snake in my bushes... me and the kids are peering out the window starring back at it in complete shock!
It's like he was waiting for us to come outside... literally watching and waiting. I felt like I was in some bad horror movie!!
Ultimately as we watched him, and he watched us... I waited for my husband to come home b/c I wanted that snake GONE! By the time Jared got home... it literally took him over 45 minutes to beat the thing out of the bushes... chase it down the side of the house and back... and pin him with a broom!
NOW WHAT! lol
So, the snake under the broom... was rattling its tail, striking at Jared... while I run to the back shed to get a shovel and hedge clippers!
NOW WHAT? Seriously...
Jared wanted ME to hold the broom down so he could de-head the snake. NUT-UH! Too close for my liking! I tried... but seriously could not do it... WAY too freaked out to be THAT close to it. So, my darling 9 year old daughter to the rescue... YES, Tyler held the broom for Daddy so he could kill it!
Turns out it was a black racer... which are NOT poisonous, but they are extremely fast, like to hide in bushes and once they find a place they like... they like to call it home. Well, MY home was NOT going to be HIS home!
Sorry he's dead (Amy)... really... but after spending the afternoon feeling stalked by the damn thing, having nightmares about it jumping out from underneath my car in the garage... or striking out of the bush to bite the kids as they went past on their bikes... I'm just fine with de-heading a snake! I can't befriend everything in nature... like the damn frog in my sink a few years ago... and those damn jumping spiders that make babies in my mailbox every year! NOT A FAN!
Unless you're going to pay the mortgage... you're not welcome!